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Where do we find these guys?

I lost my Sous Chef last week to a DUI. He's a raging alcoholic with a few DUI's under his belt so this one put him in the slammer for a while (something to do with backing into a cop car with his lights off in a bar parking lot).
So I promoted a line cook to fill in for my sous until I find a new one.
Yesterday when I came in I found my new line cook with a blood-soaked rag wrapped around his hand. He had slipped while using a spring-loaded plate warmer to try and launch a potato and competely severed the tip of his finger off.
I want to feel sorry for the guy, but I got Christmas coming up and no Sous Chefs now!

-Thanks to M.J. in Vail

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